I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
