We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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