We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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