You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize