SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
