apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
