I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
