Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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