i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
