As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
