u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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