All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He shit in the fireplace
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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