i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
