Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
