i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I still have a little drunk in my system
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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