yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
