i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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