the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize