oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm too high and old for this...
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