is your mom at the bar?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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