Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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