Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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