why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
