I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize