He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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