had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
