I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
