Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Drunk is a universal language darling
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
