i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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