BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need to calm my uterus...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize