So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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