I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
