Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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