escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
