she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She bit a glass in half.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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