Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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