gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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