I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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