The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
