I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
