my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
