i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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