My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you win again, gameday.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
