I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize