Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
