I'm gonna have a badass scar
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
