.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
