Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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