he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The best revenge is premature balding
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
