watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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