Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
