Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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