Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
