I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
