1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize