I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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