Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
