I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize