First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
