i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
