I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
