Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
