Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
