Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
