The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
