I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
