I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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