so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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