mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
