Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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