Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
